sexythinluv (sexythinluv) wrote,
sexythinluv
sexythinluv

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tonight was horrible i don't know what is wrong with me i mean i was doing pretty good and then during this week i got stressed n cut a tiny bit and they today i kind of had a break down it was a little scary and i cut a lot and used a razor blade for the very first time and i think that shows that i was in really bad shape but it's pretty much figured out now and getting better..i have this like anxiety thing with staying home on nights i usually go out during i feel left behind and like unpopular and i hate it..like none of the things with any of the guys that like me worked out and idk if that was because i was supposed to call them or something but it just hurt a lot because i feel like everytime i get close to a guy i like it just kind of ends and i dont know what to do after and i binged soooooo much today it was soo horrible i ate a bowl of cereal 8 oreos chips n dip cheese doodles ooh n i had a starbucks latte this morning too which is like soo many calories
today when i was having my panick attacks i felt like i was going crazy..if anyone that i go to school with found out about all the stuff i do they would be soo scared of me w. the cuttig anorexia bulimia depression it is kind of scary sometimes but only when i feel like i cant control it but thats where my bad habits help me and if i gave them up i know that my stress and depression would be much worse because i would know that i didnt have any escape from the pain i was feeling and nothing to take my mind off of it
sometimes i feel so alone and lost and theres nothing that can help me and then i cant breathe i feel soo gross right now and im gonna have to wear long sleeves for kindve a while until the scars heal thats the annoying thing about my bad habits theyre soo hard to hide im hopeing that everything will be all better by tomorrow
well gonna go
xo
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